Despite knowing all about the education system, Alex Mees was unsure about his eldest child starting school. So he shares something you might not know about how school in the UK works…

Our eldest child started school two years ago. You might have thought that as somebody who worked in education, I’d have been totally relaxed about this. I knew how schools work and I knew that the school he was going to had an excellent reputation and of course, like all parents, I knew my kid was a frickin’ genius. Plus, he was super excited to be starting. And yet...

He just seemed so little. He was going to be exactly four and a half when the term started in September. He’d not been to nursery; he’d been with a lovely childminder, where he was with never more than half a dozen kids, all of whom by then were younger than him. And he was still having naps every day. In short, he was still our baby.

Besides, I am a firm believer that we start kids at school way too young in this country. If it were up to me, we’d do as those perennial education-league-toppers Finland do and not start them til they’re seven. (And while we’re at it, I’d probably bring in Finland’s shorter school days, longer holidays, less homework, more play and lack of standardised testing.)

Anyway, we were pretty anxious about the whole thing. We’d met other kids who were going to be in his class – and their parents – and they all seemed lovely; his teacher was absolutely adorable; and we got a really good feeling from the school’s newly-appointed Head. But that didn’t completely allay our fears.

Luckily, a friend of mine (who was a lot more on the ball than me) pointed out that, contrary to popular belief, there was some wiggle room when it came to starting full-time education. We’re all led to believe that children must start primary school in the September after they turn four. However, this is simply not the case at all. As the government’s page on school admissions states, “if you do not think your child is ready to start school by then, they can start part-way through the year or part-time – as long as they are in full-time education by the time they reach ‘compulsory school age’ [five].”

What this means is that nobody actually has to start school in September. If your child is born between 1 September and 31 December, they don’t have to start until after Christmas; if their birthday is between 1 January and 31 March, they don’t have to start until after Easter; and if their birthday is between 1 April and 31 August, they can start a whole year later in the following September.

Of course, you may not want them to start school late – perhaps you worry about friendship groups forming in the first few weeks, for example – but that doesn’t mean they have to start full-time in September. You can negotiate with the school for your child to start part-time at first – perhaps just three or four days a week or just mornings – but, crucially, it is your right to decide what is best for your child before they are five.

Now, schools don’t tend to advertise this (they tend to want everyone in from the start – not least, I suspect, because the number they have on roll in October can affect their funding for the year) – but they are obliged to listen to and, ultimately, respect your wishes. Once the term after your child turns five starts, it becomes a little more complicated if you don’t want your child in school all day every day (although, interestingly, not impossible – a quick internet search for ‘flexischooling’ can tell you more about this). But before that, there is a lot of flexibility. You might just have to speak up and remind the school of this.

We did that very thing, incidentally, and the school was very receptive and very accommodating. They essentially said that we could do whatever we liked. So, for the first term, our son did four days a week. By Thursday, he was always exhausted, and so Fridays became a kind of buffer zone between the week and the weekend: a day for him to take it easy and revive himself so we could all enjoy our weekends. 

And we did not regret it for one second. It did not affect his confidence or his performance at school in the least bit. 

Alex Mees is a teacher and father of two (one with XX chromosomes; one with XY), living in south east London.